When on guard duty, patrolling the camp areas, one was equipped with a whistle, a torch and a pick-axe handle. This last item was known in military parlance as a “pick-helve” and was painted an army dark-green. It will not be difficult to understand that to patrol the camp area in the small hours, when the rest of the battalion is sleeping, is a fairly mind-numbing experience.
In this half-awake state I was walking slowly past the corner of H.Q. company building when I tapped the pick handle lightly against the corner of the building. It broke in halves! Oh great, I thought, this will make me popular. I returned to the guardroom to admit to this breach of “good order and military discipline” and to collect a replacement “weapon”. The guard commander gave me the expected haranguing, and I resumed my stag, having been left in no doubt that I would have to reimburse the Government the cost of this valuable item of military equipment!
The next day, I was ordered to report immediately, to the G1098 store. This was, of course the stronghold of the legendary Holy Joe, whom, one would think had paid for the entire contents of his lair, out of his own pocket. I was lectured as to the purpose of the item of hardware which I had so deliberately and maliciously destroyed. “This piece of equipment is supplied as a weapon, to be used against intruders” he raged. “You must not misuse it by striking it against walls! You will have to sign an order for a replacement”. So saying he reached for his triplicate pad and completed it in the time-honoured army fashion. He motioned me to append my signature. The entry read:
| Item | No | Cost |
|---|---|---|
| Helves, Pick | One | 7s 6d |
I signed and he was happy, as everything was once again in order.